


Baked In

by BakerKeen



Series: Reverie [2]
Category: Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M, Psychic Abilities, Seriously if you are triggered by the topic of sexual violence this is not the work for you, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Assault, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:55:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24336244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakerKeen/pseuds/BakerKeen
Summary: Cloud was having another night terror.Well, he was pretty sure it was a night terror. It just felt sorealhe couldn’t be sure, especially when Sephiroth was involved. He’d been having them every time he closed his eyes for the past two weeks, and the strain of it was starting to show. He felt like hell. Must look like it, too, from the way Tifa kept fussing over him.Sephiroth was being silent, which was somehow worse than when he filled Cloud’s ears with poison. Cloud was laid out on his back, feet flat on the bed, wearing nothing but the tank and boxer-briefs he always slept in. He couldn’t move; maybe it was just the dream, or maybe Sephiroth had cast a paralysis spell on him. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough/Cloud Strife, Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Series: Reverie [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756936
Comments: 24
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a series but can be read as a stand-alone work. 
> 
> Please heed the archive warnings; if the topic of sexual assault/abuse, or depictions thereof, is upsetting to you, please stay safe and skip this work. I have attempted to give the topic the sensitivity and seriousness that it deserves, so while there are depictions of assault and dubcon in here, they’re not needlessly exploitative. Regardless, trigger warnings GALORE for this work.
> 
> Slight Canon Divergence: Ancients have limited innate psychic abilities. (Also, I've only played the Remake, so I suppose it could contradict the original games, but beats me.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once more for those who haven't been paying attention ... TW for sexual violence.

Cloud was having another night terror.

Well, he was pretty sure it was a night terror. It just felt so _real_ he couldn’t be sure, especially when Sephiroth was involved. He’d been having them every time he closed his eyes for the past two weeks, and the strain of it was starting to show. He felt like hell. Must look like it, too, from the way Tifa kept fussing over him.

Sephiroth was being silent, which was somehow more ominous than when he filled Cloud’s ears with poison. Cloud was laid out on his back, feet flat on the bed, wearing nothing but the tank and boxer-briefs he always slept in. He couldn’t move; maybe it was just the dream, or maybe Sephiroth had cast a paralysis spell on him. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Sephiroth started the way he sometimes did, by holding Cloud’s hand and tracing around the palm with one finger. It wasn’t a threat on its face, and even if you knew what it foreshadowed, like Cloud did, it was far from the worst possible start. It was still enough to send Cloud into a cold sweat, because he’d almost rather the physical pain of other ways Sephiroth visited him than this particular mindfuck.

Cloud tried to leave his body behind, to think of his hand as an object wholly separate from himself. It made Sephiroth angry when Cloud glazed over. He usually paid for it, but it felt like some manner of control, somehow. Sometimes, he found his mind wandering like this when he was with Aerith, because it was such a habit. _No_ , he chastised himself. Aerith didn’t belong in these dreams, or whatever they were. He just needed to be disciplined. He was good at self-discipline. Usually.

Sephiroth had reached under his shirt and was twisting a nipple, demanding Cloud’s attention, seething down at him. Cloud’s eyes found Sephiroth’s again, and was rewarded with a gentle caress. His nipples were sensitive, and Sephiroth knew it. Sephiroth knew all his secrets. Maybe no one knew Cloud as well as him. That’s what made Sephiroth so dangerous. Cloud felt the first, shameful stirring in his groin as Sephiroth ran gentle fingers across his chest, teasing his nipples hard. He swallowed, hard, and thought about how much he hated Sephiroth, how much he hated his touch.

Sephiroth ran his fingers lightly up Cloud’s chest, tracing his collarbone and his muscular shoulder before sweeping slowly, slowly up his neck. It tickled; Cloud shivered, goosebumps prickling against his skin. Sephiroth smiled fondly, as though this was some fucking game they played together, as though the thudding in Cloud’s chest was from the pleasure of Sephiroth’s teasing touches. Sephiroth leaned over, tracing the shell of Cloud’s ear with his tongue as his fingers searched under his shirt for sensitive nipples once more. He pinched lightly as he bit down a little on Cloud’s ear before soothing the spot with his tongue again.

Cloud tried to will away the rush of blood to his groin, but it never worked.

Sephiroth reached behind Clouds thighs, rubbing his knuckles against his underwear, grazing against sensitive, vulnerable parts. Cloud clenched; Sephiroth chuckled. Hands spread up his legs, over his hips, up his torso. Gentle, almost reverent caresses. Sephiroth’s appreciative eyes felt like a physical touch. He preferred the nights that Sephiroth took his pleasure and left him out of it. He hated feeling pinned down and examined, and hated his body for responding to it.

The front of Sephiroth’s pants were tented now, and there was a damp patch at the peak. Cloud tried not to catalog his own reactions; they were minimal so far, barely counted. Sephiroth turned Cloud’s head toward him, and lightly rubbed the front of his pants against his face. Cloud would recognize Sephiroth’s musky scent anywhere, knew it better than his own. After a minute of this, Sephiroth stepped back, and the soft _zzzzip_ was almost welcome. Things usually moved a lot faster from here. Sephiroth rubbed his erection against Cloud’s face, left sticky traces across his mouth. Cloud could taste the faint, salty bitterness of him. He swallowed the bile that rose in his throat.

Sephiroth stepped back, and ran a finger lightly up the bulge that was starting to form in Cloud’s briefs. He always liked to check Cloud’s reactions, to call attention to them, to remind him that he was dirty, that part of him liked the things Sephiroth did. The finger kept tracing him, over and over, until the bulge became stronger. Sephiroth squeezed him, sending a jolt through Cloud’s body, making him fill out more. Sephiroth stroked his fabric-covered erection, smiling at Cloud. He didn’t need to talk; Cloud knew the lines by heart, could hear them in his mind. _My, but you’re eager tonight. I’m flattered you enjoy our time together so much. Look how much you want this. You can’t get enough, can you?_

Shame swooped low in Cloud’s belly, and color rose in his cheeks. He hated this sick, weak part of himself that reacted to the touches he loathed, that left him hollow and ashamed. Sephiroth smirked, and turned his attention back to Cloud’s hand, which was surprisingly soft because of the gloves he wore most of the time. He traced shapes on Cloud’s palm, then brought the palm to his mouth, kissing it. He licked a broad stripe there, and finally held it against his hard length.

Cloud hated the way his fingers itched to curl around it. He hated his hand, hated his whole weak, broken body, that reacted this way. He pretended it was someone else’s hand, that the hand was dead, that _he_ was dead.

Sephiroth always made him watch. He tilted his hips forward, pushing his hard length against Cloud’s limp, soft hand. Sephiroth was already breathing heavily; this wouldn’t take long, at least. He paused his rhythm long enough to rub the tip against Cloud’s palm, spreading slick wetness there so he could rut against him more smoothly. When he did, he clenched his teeth, sucking in a breath.

It went pretty quickly after that.

Afterwards, Sephiroth stretched the waistband of Cloud’s underwear, and curled Cloud’s hand around himself. He usually commented on how much Cloud seemed to enjoy his visits at this point, but today he just raised his eyebrows and gave Cloud a knowing smile. Revulsion bloomed and twisted inside Cloud.

What was _wrong_ with him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something that doesn't get talked about very much wrt sexual abuse is that sometimes your body _reacts_ because friction is friction and grooming can really mess a person up. Abusers love to use the shame and guilt it causes in SA survivors to make them feel even more worthless and defective, or as proof that the attack was consensual. Sometimes, it results in really toxic feedback loops where SA survivors start to associate shame with arousal, or pain and with arousal, etc., in ways that are toxic and distressing rather than kinky and fun. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
> 
> (I'd love some comments telling me what you think!)


	2. Chapter 2

Cloud gasped awake, hand wrapped around his erection. Disgust and shame coiled inside him, and tears prickled at his eyes. Why was he like this? Why did part of him like this, when he dreaded and despised it so much? Why couldn’t his body stop betraying him?

He could never decide if he was more disturbed by the idea that Sephiroth was finding a way to visit him, or that he was getting himself worked up by dreaming about him.

He hesitated, then let his hand fall away. Sometimes he conjured an image in his mind to push Sephiroth away and chased the tension out of his body. He was always disgusted with himself after, though, and he was already feeling terrible.

Cloud laid awake, staring at the ceiling and trying to will his body to stop torturing him, trying to make sense of his connection to Sephiroth. He didn’t understand any of it. Why was the silver-haired SOLDIER so obsessed with him? Why wouldn’t he leave him alone? When he tried to remember how they knew each other, his head screeched in pain, leaving him feeling like all his nerves were raw and exposed. His headache never fully went away these days.

God, he was tired.

What he really wanted, more than anything, was to go to Aerith’s place. To crawl inside her, lose himself in her scent, and then fall asleep with his face buried in her hair. Maybe her magic was powerful enough to keep him away. Maybe Sephiroth could only visit him because he was contaminated, and Aerith’s goodness would drive him away. Maybe he should stay away from Aerith, in case whatever was wrong with him could infect her.

He shook his head. _No._ Nothing about this made any sense, but the one thing he was certain of was that Aerith was incorruptible. Whatever made Aerith the brave, kind wonder that she was, it was baked in. Evil only made her more sure of herself.

He rolled out of bed, pulling on a pair of gym shorts. He couldn’t lay still anymore. He dropped to the floor, and fired off 50 pushups, trying to think about nothing but his form and the strength in his arms. It cleared his mind, but didn’t help the trapped feeling that sometimes lingered after one of his dreams.

He slid his feet into his boots, laced them up. He tried to focus on small details to distract himself. He would need to replace the shoelace on one of his boots soon. He would polish them later. There was a black feather on the floor beside his bed; he picked it up, wondering how it had gotten there, and deposited it in the trash.

When he left for his run, he didn’t bring his sword. Maybe he’d be lucky, and he’d run into something he could beat to a bloody pulp with his fists. Maybe it would beat him. It would be better, somehow, if his weakness showed on his body. People might leave him alone. He could stop feeling like a lie.

He ran through the streets of the slums, setting a pace that was slightly uncomfortable. He blocked out everything but the burn of his muscles, the rhythm of his footfalls, the pumping of his heart. He ran, and ran, barely noticing the blur of the scenery. The rest of the world fell away, and he returned to his body. When he finally slowed, clutching a stitch in his side, the sun was just starting to rise, and he was back near his place. He slowed to a walk, stretching his arms and shaking them loose. Marle waved at him, and he nodded at her.

Aerith moved into the Sector 7 slums after they broke her out of Shinra headquarters; returning to Sector 5 hadn’t seemed safe. She charmed everyone immediately, of course. Marle had set her up with a small room near a clearing Cloud hadn’t known existed, and Aerith had transformed it into a flower and herb garden. He wasn’t sure Marle was even charging her rent; he suspected she was taking fresh flowers and herbs in trade.

Cloud found himself at her door without having made a conscious decision to go there. When she answered his knock, she was yawning and her face was still puffy with sleep. Her hair was loose over a thin, white nightgown. She was achingly beautiful.

He stepped forward, taking her face in his hands and stooping to press his mouth to hers. Her small noise of surprise was muffled, lost in their kiss. Cloud opened his mouth and she opened hers in sync, greeting his tongue with hers. She slowly backed up as they kissed, and Cloud kicked the door closed behind them. He realized he was still semi-hard, somehow. Usually he seemed to shrink after a run, but having Aerith in his arms was quickly putting him right back where he’d been this morning. He broke off the kiss, looked down at her body, and slid the straps of her thin nightgown off her shoulders. The nightgown puddled on the floor at Aerith’s feet.

“Well, good morning to you, too,” she murmured breathlessly when his hungry eyes found her face again. She tugged Cloud’s tank over his head and slipped the stretchy waistband of his shorts over his hips. Cloud pulled Aerith close and kissed her again, and Aerith squeezed her hand around his hard length.

Sephiroth had touched him like that in his dream. Cloud felt the press of him in his mind, and shame washed over him, seeped deep into him. Revulsion was rising in his throat. He pushed Aerith’s hand away, something he’d certainly never done before. He kissed her again, more urgently this time, trying to banish Sephiroth from his mind. He pushed the waistband over her hips and reached between her legs, needing her familiar, slick heat. Finding her dry, he raised his hand to his mouth, wet it, and tried again.

 _There_. Not as slippery as normal, but better. He pushed a finger into her and found a bit of her own wetness. He spread it around, pushed into her some more.

Sometimes, Sephiroth used his fingers on Cloud, too. When he was feeling generous, he spat on Cloud first to make it more comfortable.

 _Leave me ALONE_ , Cloud thought, and he pulled Aerith toward the bed, desperate to chase Sephiroth from his mind, to lose himself inside her. She was searching his face, head tilted in curiosity. This wasn’t their normal way. Usually they unwrapped each other slowly, and Cloud worshipped her body, wringing as much pleasure from her as he could before finding his own.

Cloud couldn’t meet her eyes. His shame and fear were a black tar in his gut, and he knew if she looked, really looked, she would see it. She would see how weak and disgusting he was, and she would hate him, too. He leaned over, nipped at her shoulder once, and put his hands on her hips to turn her around, to face the bed. He pushed a palm between her shoulders, bending her over. Cloud glazed over, felt like he was watching what was happening through a fogged-up window. He nudged her legs apart and took himself in hand.

“Somebody’s awfully eager this morning,” Aerith teased as he slid his tip between her folds, slipping along her entrance.

The words _awfully eager_ reverberated around his brain, sometimes in Aerith’s voice and sometimes in Sephiroth’s. He flinched, though of course Aerith couldn’t see. He pushed forward, needing an escape, needing to banish Sephiroth from his mind.

Some details stuck out to him through the fog of his mind. She felt tighter around him than normal, the squeeze of her delicious, just what he needed. His breath was ragged. Sephiroth was gone now, but the roiling poison in his gut wouldn’t go away. He pushed harder, knocking Aerith forward so that her belly touched the bed. The angle was better, let him push deeper inside of her. He snapped his hips forward, and some of the static in his head went away. He moved his grip to her waist so he could hold her in place and thrust again, harder. 

“Cloud...” Her voice felt distant, difficult to parse. His mind was going into that quiet, far away place it sometimes went to. His heartbeat, and his panting breaths, and the rhythm of his thrusts sped up, became all he could hear or feel as he finally, _finally_ stopped thinking, and feeling. His groan was strangled as it all coalesced in an explosion that left him limp and sweaty. He felt more relief than pleasure. His breath slowed, and he started to come back to his senses. He uncurled his fingers from Aerith’s waist, had to shake them out because they’d been gripping so tightly they’d gone numb. 

In was the sight of his fingerprints on Aerith’s skin that woke him up. Made him realize how rough he’d been, while Aerith was pinned to the mattress, unable to move. She was pushing herself back up onto her forearms now, looking over her shoulder at him, her face stunned. He’d scared her. And why shouldn’t she be scared? He’d treated her body like it was his to use. Like she wasn’t a person.

He felt the sob coming a few seconds before it escaped, but stopping it was so far beyond his ability it was unthinkable, like stopping the wind. He scrambled away from her, covering his mouth with his hand, trying to hold in his horror, to stem the tide of emotion rising in him. The sob ripped through him, and Aerith turned, reaching for him. He shook his head, stepped back. He didn’t want her comfort. He didn’t deserve it. He was broken and evil, no better than Sephiroth. He hadn’t realized. He’d thought his was a private darkness, inflicted only on himself.

Hot tears streamed down his face, and his nose was full. He couldn’t breathe. He tried to suck in air, but none seemed to make it to him. Panic rose inside him as he tried to suck in breaths, but he was being squeezed, could only take little sips of air. His heart pounded against his chest, and his vision, already blurry with tears, began to narrow. He was going to die. He didn’t want to die on Aerith’s floor. He’d made a big enough mess here already.

Aerith crouched beside him, spoke softly, firmly. “Cloud. _Cloud._ You’re ok. Breathe with me.” She put his hand on her chest, and breathed slowly. He tried to match her breaths. Held his breath in between her inhalations, until he could match her pace. The tingling in his hands faded. His vision returned. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and finally was able to relax his shoulders.

Aerith handed him a box of tissues, rubbed his back soothingly while he blew his nose and cleaned himself up. She brought him a glass of water and made him sip at it. He suspected she’d magically calmed him; suddenly his tears had slowed, leaving only a pathetic hiccup in their wake. Normally, Cloud would be embarrassed to cry at all, much less like _that_ , in front of anyone. But it seemed like a silly thing to be embarrassed about by comparison.

When his face was finally dry, Aerith pulled him onto the bed and gave him a look that bordered on stern. “Tell me what’s going on with you.”

He opened his mouth to say that nothing was going on and she held up a finger, interrupting him. “Aah-aah-aah. NO. The truth. On the first try.”

His shoulders sank. He owed her that, but he didn't know where to start with trying to explain it. “It’s hard to explain. Really, that’s not an excuse.”

She squeezed his leg. “Try.”

He crinkled his nose. That was fair; he could try. And besides, he had already ruined things with Aerith, so what difference did it make now? He decided to start at the beginning. “I don’t remember much of what happened when I was training to be a SOLDIER. When I try, I...” He held a hand up to his head, made a shaky motion with his hand to try and explain the sensation. “But Sephiroth was there, I’m sure about that part.” He hesitated, not sure how to explain. Aerith waited, squeezed his leg reassuringly. “He ... had an interest in me. He wouldn’t leave me alone.”

Aerith frowned. “Wouldn’t leave you alone? What do you mean?”

He looked at her hand resting on his knee. He couldn’t look at her face. He wasn’t sure he could make himself put it into words. He’d never talked about it before. There didn't seem to be words sufficient to explain the way Sephiroth had tortured him. Just explaining the touching was hard enough, and that was the easiest part to explain.

“Cloud? What did Sephiroth do?” Her voice was calm, matter of fact. Compassionate.

“He ...” Cloud swallowed. He wasn’t sure how to make the words come out. He gestured vaguely at his groin. “He ...” God, why was this so _hard??_ “He made me do ... things.”

She went still, but didn’t otherwise react. He couldn’t look at her face. He couldn’t stomach her pity. She didn’t understand how involved he was, how he’d invited it, somehow. He shook his head. “And the past few weeks, every night I’ve been having these ... nightmares, I guess. It feels like he’s there, in my room. And it’s ... like before. Like he won’t leave me alone. And now I—.” He paused, wiping away tears that sprang to his eyes again. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry. I know it doesn’t matter, but I’m so sorry.”

Aerith laughed, and Cloud was shocked into looking at her face. “Is that what all this is about, you think you forced me?”

Cloud nodded, dumbfounded.

She shook her head, exasperation clear on her face. “Let me clear this up, since apparently panting and moaning your name didn't communicate things as clearly as I thought. You did not hurt me. Actually, I had a great time." She was _amused_. As though he hadn't scared her. As though he wasn't a monster. 

Cloud shook his head. “But, you didn’t even ... you know, finish.” He blushed, and Aerith's eyes darted down to his cheeks, a smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. She had once called him "hopelessly repressed". But really, it wasn't his fault. He frowned. "And I was so rough with you."

Aerith shrugged. “You’ll make it up to me next time. And I'm not made of glass, Cloud. I wouldn’t like if you were always like that, but it doesn’t always have to be tender and romantic, either. Sometimes we can just ... fuck.”

He was so shocked by her language that it took him a moment to realize that the revulsion in the pit of his stomach was almost gone. He hadn't hurt her. He had gotten lucky. Would he have noticed if she'd tried to stop him? He was pretty sure he would have. He was defective and wrong, but he didn't want to hurt Aerith, or really anyone else, besides Sephiroth. He felt so light all of a sudden that he almost laughed.

Aerith smiled at him. “Better now?”

Cloud nodded. He felt bone tired, suddenly. It must’ve showed on his face, because Aerith stood, pushed on his shoulders until he laid down. “Lay down. Let's see if those nightmares stay away if you're with me.” Cloud hesitated, but she nudged him toward the bed, and swatted at him. "Scoot over. You woke me up before I was ready."

Aerith curled up next to him, their naked bodies pressed together on the narrow bed. She gave him a kiss and turned her back ho him. Cloud slotted against her, circling an arm around her waist. Her warm body seemed to leach the tension out of his. He buried his face in her hair, the way he’d thought about doing before, and inhaled her sweet, floral scent.

A strand of her hair went up his nose; another was already in his mouth. He chuckled, smoothed the hair away from his face, and settled for having his face near her head.

He dropped almost instantly into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this seems out of character, but the man hasn’t slept in weeks, and I swear it's always the tough guys who crygasm.


	3. Chapter 3

Cloud slept 13 hours that day and woke up feeling stiff-limbed and fuzzy with dehydration. He stretched his naked body and padded through Aerith’s empty apartment to use her shower, letting the hot spray loosen his tight muscles. It was the best he’d felt in weeks. Sephiroth was still constant in his mind but that jumpy need to repeatedly glance over his shoulder for him was gone.

He pulled on his street clothes, which Aerith had brought over from his place. He laced up his boots and jogged out into the early evening air. He was famished for the first time in ages, so he headed over to Seventh Heaven for a meal and a drink.

When he walked in, Tifa was working the bar, and Wedge and Biggs were sitting at a nearby table. He nodded at them as he walked by. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you without your gear,” Biggs commented, smiling at him. “Taking the night off?”

“Something like that.” The truth was that Cloud had been so hungry he forgot to go by his place to get his armor and sword. He walked up to the bar and sat down, waiting for Tifa to finish servings drinks to another group. One of the guys was flirting with her, pushing the envelope more than he probably should. Cloud watched warily, waiting to see how Tifa would handle him. She laughed, and walked away, over to Cloud.

She smiled at him. “You’re looking perkier than I’ve seen you in ages. Want some ramen?”

He nodded, and she disappeared into the kitchen for a minute before bringing him a bowl of noodles. “Careful, it’s pretty hot.”

He blew on it gently before taking a bite. He sucked in a breath, trying to cool it in his mouth before it burned him. Tifa laughed at him. “I’m hungry!” He nodded his head over at the flirt. “Looks like you’ve got a live one.”

She smirked, and leaned over the bar. “I don’t know, he’s kinda cute, don’t you think? Oh, wanna try the new drink I’m working on?”

“Sure. And how should I know?”

Tifa straightened, and laughed at him as she started fiddling with the bottles. “Listen, those broad shoulders speak for themselves.” She added a few more pours into his glass.

Cloud eyed her thoughtfully. “Don’t you worry about taking guys home like that?” He’d heard her with men from the bar through the thin wall that separated their rooms a couple of times.

She rolled her eyes. “You, of all people, should know that I can handle myself if someone gets out of hand.” Cloud considered this and nodded his agreement. Tifa was brutal in a fight. She set the glass in front of him, leaning over the bar again. “Anyway, don’t act like you’ve never taken someone cute back to your place.”

Cloud blanched. “Never.”

Tifa’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, come on. Gone back to theirs, then?”

Cloud shook his head. He’d had plenty of offers, and plenty of encouragement. But it never appealed, really. “With a complete stranger? Not my thing.” The thought of someone he didn’t know touching him made his skin crawl. He took a long sip of his drink. “This is really good.”

“Thanks.” Tifa straightened, started wiping down the bar. “I didn’t take you for a relationship guy.”

He snorted. “I don’t know if I’d go quite that far.” He took another long drink. It was _really_ good, smoky and spicy, with a light citrus flavor.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Aerith came by to get some clothes for you this afternoon. Guess things have been going pretty well since that day at Shinra HQ.” She’d been there that day, along with Barrett and Red. They all knew what he and Aerith had had to do to rescue them, but no one talked about it. At least, not to him.

He smirked, and finished his drink. He wasn’t going to talk about Aerith. He set down his glass. “I’ll take another one, that was good.”

She huffed a sigh at him, and poured liquor into his glass. “Listen, Mr. I’m-Not-A-Relationship-Guy, be careful with Aerith. She really likes you.”

He shrugged a shoulder and pulled a face. “No accounting for taste.”

Tifa finished up his drink silently and set it down in front of him with more force than was strictly necessary. A bit of it sloshed onto the bar. “I’m serious. She’s special, don’t jerk her around.”

He snorted. “Aerith can handle herself, too, you know.” He took a sip of his drink. It was really strong, starting to make him feel looser already. Tifa was still glaring at him. “And anyway, I’m not jerking her around. I like Aerith.”

Tifa’s face softened, and she smirked at him, leaning over to punch him lightly on the arm. He rolled his eyes at her. “Yeah, yeah.” He could feel his face burning. He swallowed more of the drink to mask his embarrassment.

“Take it easy, those are strong,” Tifa warmed, as she walked away to wait on another patron.

Cloud nodded and turned to his ramen since it had cooled enough to put in his mouth. He was ravenously hungry; his empty stomach probably explained why he was already feeling tipsy. He didn’t mind, though. Sometimes alcohol made him morose but tonight he felt loose and relaxed. The ramen was delicious, the pork Tifa had put in it juicy and tender.

He slurped his noodles and thought about Tifa and Aerith and their uncomplicated relationship to sex. When he’d first started spending more time with Aerith he was surprised at how unashamed she was of her body and the pleasures it could give her. It had shocked him because she seemed so _wholesome_. She giggled when he turned the lights off sometimes, but there were times he couldn’t relax for feeling exposed, or embarrassed of his own arousal.

Just as he was finishing his bowl of noodles, Aerith walked in. A cheer went up from Biggs’s table, and she laughed, walking over to greet them. Cloud drained his glass, and asked Tifa for 2 more. Aerith was laughing at something Jessie said, her easy smile lighting up her face. He turned back to the bar, not wanting to stare, but Tifa gave him a knowing look as she passed the drinks to him.

When he stood up, he swayed a bit, feeling the drink much more keenly all of a sudden. He walked very precisely over to the table and handed a glass to Aerith. “Tifa’s new specialty. I think she might be trying to give us all alcohol poisoning.” They held each other’s gaze and a quiet tension crackled between them. Should he kiss her? He wanted to, but everyone was watching. They hadn’t exactly been hiding but they hadn’t made a point to publicize things, either.

Aerith broke the tension by taking a sip. “Oh wow, this is strong.”

“Hell yeah,” Biggs said, clapping her playfully on the back. He let his hand rest there a moment too long. “Have a seat,” he said, pulling out the chair beside him. Aerith sat down, and Cloud took the seat opposite, smiling tightly at them. Biggs had stretched out a bit and had his hand resting on the back of Aerith’s chair. Cloud’s eyes narrowed but Aerith either didn’t notice Biggs’s hand or didn’t care. Jessie had gotten up to play darts with Wedge, so Cloud sipped his drink, watching as Biggs drew Aerith into conversation, asking about her childhood home and raving about her flower garden.

Cloud watched Biggs carefully. His interest in Aerith was clear, and he kept her smiling and laughing. Cloud envied the way he invited such an easy intimacy. His stomach twisted in unmistakable jealousy. He sipped his drink again. He and Aerith had never talked about other partners. Maybe she was interested in Biggs. That was ... fine. He was probably more fun to be around. Probably had more experience with women. It was _fine_.

He was thinking about going back to the bar to give them some privacy and drown his sorrows when Biggs put his hand on Aerith’s shoulder, rubbing it lightly with his thumb. Smoothly, Aerith shrugged out from under it and scooted her chair over as she stooped to pick up a spoon she knocked on the floor with her elbow. Cloud drained his drink, letting the glass hide his grin. Biggs caught his eye and Cloud shrugged a shoulder ever so slightly. _Better luck next time._

Tifa appeared at his shoulder. “Cloud, why don’t you take Aerith downstairs and show her our setup? I think she’s proven she can be trusted. Hey Biggs, can you help me carry in a new keg from the back?” She winked at Cloud as she walked past.

Cloud led Aerith over to the pinball machine and showed Aerith how to work it to make it descend to the basement. He swayed a bit as the floor beneath them moved. Those drinks really had been strong, and he was feeling pleasantly relaxed and carefree, like anything that happened would turn out fine.

Aerith’s eyes were wide and dancing with excitement as they lowered into the room. “An actual secret hideout!” She clapped her hands. Cloud put his hand on the small of her back and led her around the room, watching her as she delighted over the maps, the big TV, and the computer hub. She was radiant, and he found he couldn’t stop touching her. Finally, she hopped up to sit on the edge of the table at the center of the room. “So this is where the magic happens, huh?”

He stepped close to her and she wrapped her arms around him, smiling up at him. He brushed a lock of hair from her face. “So I’m told. They haven’t invited me to an actual meeting yet.” He leaned down, unable to resist kissing her but slightly overshooting his mark and smashing their faces together. Aerith laughed at him, and he apologized and tried again, careful almost to the point of comedy. “Tifa was defending your virtue earlier.”

She grinned. “Well, she doesn’t know me as well as you do yet.” She pulled him back down for a kiss, opening her mouth and sliding her tongue against his. He responded enthusiastically, if a bit more sloppily than he normally might have. She pulled away, giggling. “How about Biggs tonight?”

Cloud grunted. “For a minute, I thought I was going to have to share your affections.”

“Mmm, kinky,” Aerith murmured, then giggled at Cloud’s shocked face. “Relax, I’m kidding. I’m not interested in anyone else.”

She said it casually, but she was watching his face to see how he’d react. Surprise swooped low in Cloud’s belly. He shook his head, trying to match her tone but with a serious face to match. “Me neither.”

“So ... that’s settled, then?” She was smiling up at him. “This isn’t just Tifa’s heavy pour talking?”

He took her face in his hands. “Definitely settled.” A warm glow was buzzing in his chest, and it grew as he leaned down to kiss her. She was smiling, and nipped gently at his lip. He kissed across her cheek, and murmured in her ear. “Remember earlier, when you said I could make things up to you?”

“Yeah?” She shivered, the hum of his voice seeming to tickle.

“I really, really want to make it up to you now.” He reached under her jacket, squeezing one of her small breasts as he traced her ear with his tongue.


	4. Chapter 4

Aerith wriggled a bit. The nipple Cloud was teasing was growing firm. “What, here? How many of those drinks did you have?” 

He chuckled in her ear. “Think you can keep it down?” Aerith’s moans carried. He knew because about a week ago Marle had winked at him and made a comment about keeping Aerith happy.

“I’m certainly willing to try,” she teased, leaning back against her hands as Cloud ran his hand between her breasts and down her torso. She laid back on the table, lifting her bum as Cloud slid soft fabric down her hips and legs before tossing them aside.

Cloud ducked under the skirt of her dress and Aerith rested her thighs on his shoulders. He pooled saliva at the front of his mouth and licked a wet stripe along her slit. She was already slightly wet. He circled out, slowly tracing the plump pad of her outer folds, first on one side, then another.

Cloud’s arousal was a tricky, flighty thing, easily scared away. Sometimes, if he was caught off guard, he felt squeamish about his own pleasure. After years of denying his own pleasure and feeling such intense shame about it, he sometimes found it difficult to just relax and enjoy himself when he was with Aerith. Sometimes, his libido was out of reach altogether. Other times, he couldn’t bring himself to finish with Aerith watching, so after she was limp from satisfaction he went into her shower and took himself in hand to rid his body of tension.

He envied Aerith’s easy way with her own body, the command she seemed to have over her own arousal. He knew, logically, that there was nothing dirty or shameful about enjoying each other’s bodies. He felt broken and defective, unable to have this simple pleasure without feeling guilt along with it.

He slid his tongue down to rub across the sensitive skin at the very bottom of Aerith’s opening. She always seemed to gasp a lot when he licked down here. She liked when he rubbed a wet finger around her other opening. He hadn’t breached it yet. That felt like a step too far, and she had never given him the impression that she wanted more.

Pleasing Aerith was an uncomplicated, joyful thing. On top of being intensely enjoyable on its own right, it was the most surefire way for Cloud to forget his own shame and embarrassment about sex. Slowly unraveling Aerith, watching her surrender her body to his touch and knowing that he could turn her into a blissed-our puddle made Cloud feel powerful and desirable in the purest, most uncomplicated way he’d ever experienced.

Tonight, he was feeling brave and carnal, already fully hard. It was a shame they were here, really, because this was one of those nights when he could have stayed between Aerith’s thighs for hours, bringing her climax after climax until she finally pushed him away.

She was immoderately wet as Cloud zigzagged his tongue along her inner folds, slowly making his way to the sensitive bump at the top. He varied the pressure and location of his tongue, letting her tension and anticipation mount. He licked lightly and slowly up the edge of her inner fold, then flicked his tongue quickly as he neared the top. When her breathing started to pick up, he moved to her entrance, wiggling his tongue just inside her and then sucking one of her lips gently. He slid his tongue back up to the bump, and closed his mouth around the top half of the whole area, sucking gently as he pushed firmly against the underside of the bump with his tongue, sliding from as close to the root as he could reach to the top.

Aerith squeezed her legs around his head, muffling his hearing. She was close. He was only a dozen tugs away himself, truth be told. He licked up her slit, ending each stroke of his tongue with a sucking kiss. She was rubbing herself against his face, and Cloud picked up the pace. Suddenly, she went tense and still, and he heard her say his name. He moaned, delirious with desire, and waited for her to start pulsing.

He felt her sit up, and her legs fell away as she shoved at his head. “ _Cloud_ ,” she hissed. Now that his ears were free, he could hear the unmistakable sound of the lift scraping to a stop on the basement floor. He froze for a second, then quickly straightened, pulling Aerith’s skirt back over her knees.

Biggs stood there, mouth slightly agape. Cloud pulled himself up to his full height, squaring his shoulders defiantly. He realized his mouth and chin were covered in Aerith’s slippery wetness, and wiped his face with the back of his hand. He and Aerith were both panting, and no doubt her scent hung heavy in the air. Also, Aerith’s silky drawers were on the floor near Biggs’s feet. There was no possible way to explain this away as anything other than what it was.

Biggs didn’t seem to know where to look. “Sorry, I ... Barrett asked me to come get the plans on the ...” He gestured at some papers that were crumpled under Aerith’s bottom. Cloud glared at him, irrationally furious. Barrett dropped his gaze from Cloud’s face, embarrassed, only to suddenly wince and glance away from the unmistakable tenting in the front of Cloud’s pants. Biggs squeezed his eyes shut as he pinched his nose. “You know what, why don’t you just bring them up with you when you’re ... when you come back upstairs. I’m just gonna ...” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder and pushed the button to go back up to the main floor.

Aerith turned to Cloud as the lift slid out of sight, pulling him closer and reaching for his belts. “That was amazing.”

“Sorry, what was amazing about that?” Cloud was mortified. He knew it was stupid, that Biggs himself had made a move on Aerith earlier, but still.

“You were so sexy, wiping your mouth and glowering at him silently until he left. Did you see him notice your size? You were so powerful and intimidating.” She finished with his buckles and hurriedly down to his zipper before tugging impatiently at his pants. “I want you inside me, come on.”

“But ... how’re we gonna clean up the mess?” It was a stupid thing to worry about, but still, it’s not like they could mop up with the Avalanche plans.

“Don’t worry about that, I’ll take care of it.” She scooted her bum forward and took hold of him, guiding him toward her entrance before wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.

She was gloriously wet as Cloud pushed into her. She gasped when he bottomed out, and he paused there for a moment, grinding against her before pulling out and thrusting in again. She moaned quietly. He pulled out slowly, trying to drag himself against the underside of her most sensitive spot. He snapped his hips to push back inside her.

Aerith’s voice was quiet, breathless. “Oh, you feel so ...” she gasped as he snapped his hips again. “Mmm, it’s so good. You’re so —” she broke off as he thrust into her again, as though he’d pushed the breath out of her. She was panting now, and seemed to have lost the ability to string thoughts together. Cloud loved watching Aerith lose herself to bliss. Her face was pink and shiny, her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, mouth slightly agape. He moved inside of her, focusing on bringing her to the edge, his own gratification entirely secondary.

After a few minutes, she buried her face in his shoulder and groaned as her fingers clenched against his back and her legs squeezed around him. She went entirely tense for several long seconds before her tension started to pulse. Cloud slowed his pace but kept pushing into her, and she clawed at his shirt, gasping as aftershocks took her.

Finally, she fully exhaled, relaxing against him and letting her legs fall to the side. Cloud reluctantly slipped out of her. She lifted her face to him and he leaned down to kiss her. She was slightly giddy, giggling and squirming a bit. After a minute, she pushed against his chest, and stood in front of him. She kept pushing until his back hit a wall, then sunk to her knees.

 _Oh._ “You don’t have to—“ Cloud started. 

“I told you I’d handle the mess,” she said, giving him an impish smile. She licked a stripe up his length, still wet from being inside her. Cloud’s jaw dropped, and he and Aerith both watched as he grew impossibly harder, his skin growing dusky from the sudden rush of blood underneath. She smirked, then licked again, slowly, flicking her eyes up to meet his, making a show of tasting herself.

How could someone who was so categorically _good_ want to do something so dirty? It didn’t make sense. He didn’t pressure her, or have any sort of expectation. Did she think he did? Was he supposed to stop her? Why was it so _hot_??

She closed her mouth around him, pulling up slowly. Cloud gasped, tried again. “You really don’t have to.”

She ran her tongue around his tip. “You worry too much.” She flicked her tongue against a particularly sensitive spot; his toes curled a bit inside his boots. She held his gaze. “I don’t do anything I don’t want to do.”

He was probably supposed to argue with her more, stop her, but the drink and his lust had made his thoughts sluggish and hazy. So he leaned back against the wall and watched as Aerith bobbed her head over him, often glancing up to catch his eye. He was so close, out of his mind with want, but couldn’t seem to peak. He was so used to his hand that sometimes his body forgot how to climax any other way. He itched to reach down and finish himself off.

He realized that asking Aerith to do that would be no more demeaning than what she had already done, and she directed him sometimes. He never minded. Why should she?

“Hand,” he gasped. He couldn’t seem to string more words together, but Aerith seemed to understand. She continued using her mouth, but added a twisting motion with her hand up and down his length. It was perfect. He could feel the tension intensifying in his body, could feel the unmistakable tingle of an impending climax.

“I’m gonna ...” he managed gasp out in warning before losing his ability to breathe, or talk. Aerith kept her mouth on him, and he suddenly realized what she’d meant about taking care of the mess. His orgasm ripped through him and he arched against the wall, panting as he released into her mouth.

He felt dizzy, unsteady on his feet. He looked down to see Aerith hollowing her cheeks as she moved up his length one last time before swallowing and wiping her mouth. He knew his face must betray his astonishment, because she had a fond, amused expression as she rose to her feet.

He pulled her close, giving her a soft kiss. He could taste himself a bit on her lips, but he ignored that. He pulled back. “That was unexpected.”

She grinned. “To You are adorably easy to shock.” She squeezed his rear. “We should get back up there, I’m sure they’re all waiting for us to make an entrance.”

*******

When they stepped off the lift, a cheer went up. Aerith laughed and shrugged; Cloud winced and tried not to blush. It was nobody’s business what had gone on downstairs.

Biggs pressed a glass into his hand and threw an arm around his shoulders, separating him from Aerith. “You sly dog! She was a tough one to get. Well done.” He clinked his glass against Cloud’s and took a drink. Cloud wasn’t sure he liked the way the conversation was going. Biggs kept going, slurring slightly. “What’s your secret?”

Cloud raised an eyebrow. “I’m actually full of them,” he deadpanned. 

Biggs laughed, slapped on the back. He was talking louder than he realized. Barrett paused to watch, seeming to notice the way Cloud’s posture was changing. His arms were hanging loose at his sides, his hands twitching, preparing to clench into fists. Biggs hadn't noticed. He pushed his drink into Cloud's chest. “Come on, man. How’d you get her to drop those silky little panties of hers?” 

Jessie had gone still behind Biggs, turning to listen as well. Cloud scoffed. “I didn’t _get_ her to do anything.” Biggs was acting like Aerith was a prize to be won. Some sort of trophy.

Biggs rolled his eyes. “Come on, you know what I mean. What, you take one for the team —” he made an obscene gesture with his tongue, “— and then she lets you take her for a ride?” 

Cloud stepped closer, pitched his voice into a low growl. “You're pathetic. Grow up.” The bar had gone quiet. Barrett and Tifa had moved closer, ready to break up a fight. Cloud glared are Biggs. “Walk away from me now, or I’ll make sure you can’t.”

Tifa put a hand on Biggs’s shoulder. “You heard the man. Time to go. Wedge, do you mind making sure he gets home ok?” Biggs looked bewildered. Wedge gave him a grim look and gestured him out of the bar.

Barrett shook his head as the door swung shut behind them. "He had no right to talk about you like that, Aerith. He's a good guy, but sometimes he gets to drinking and --"

"--and accidentally lets on what he's really like with women," Jessie said, her face hard. "He's a good guy to you, and to the Resistance. Not to all of us." Tifa put her arm around Jessie's shoulders, leaning their heads together. Jessie put her arm around Tifa's waist, gave her a quick hug. "I'm fine, it's months in the past. You just expect a friend to treat you like you're more than a piece of ass, you know?" Tifa gave her shoulders another squeeze, and kissed the side of her head. Cloud nodded. It stung when you realized that someone just wanted to use your body, but didn't care about _you_. 

They followed Tifa to the bar, and she poured them another round of drinks. "Cloud and I were just talking about one night stands earlier this evening."

Aerith's ears perked up. “ _Reeeeeeeally_?"

Tifa set a drink in front of her. "Cloud's opposed."

Aerith laughed. "Of course he is." She shot him a good-natured smile.

Cloud blushed. "There's nothing wrong with it. I've just never been tempted." Why were they talking about this?? Why did anyone care what he thought about casual sex? He felt like he was being measured and judged. But then the others started chiming in, talking about their experiences and what separated a good encounter from a bad one. After a few minutes, he realized they were just having a normal conversation, and that sex was just a normal topic to them. Even Barrett -- _Barrett_ \-- joined in when Aerith, two drinks later, asked him if his gun hand was ever a problem in bed. Cloud, for his part, mostly contributed shocked facial expressions, to the endless entertainment of all. 

Maybe he _was_ hopelessly repressed.


	5. Chapter 5

It was dark, but Cloud knew Sephiroth was there. He scrambled to his feet, staggering slightly as he splayed his hands out, trying to figure out where Sephiroth was. He rubbed his eyes, but the pitch blackness persisted. 

_Where is he?_ Sometimes there were traps. He needed light. The darkness was thick, oppressive. He could feel it pressing against his face, smothering him, making his breath shallow. His heart started to thud in his chest, and smacked frantically at the walls, trying to find a switch to turn the power on. 

Sephiroth materialized behind him, arms wrapping around his chest to clutch him close. Cloud jerked at his touch, as though he’d been bitten. He pulled free easily, and Sephiroth chuckled. “Bad day?” His voice was mocking. 

Cloud grunted to disguise how he had to clear his throat to make his voice sound strong. “I had a great day, until just now.” He was still a little drunk from the night at the bar. It had been a good evening. He’d drank and listened to the others talking until well into the night. He hadn’t thought much about Sephiroth. A warmth had settled in his chest as others had teased him, including him in their fun. Tifa had told a story about him from their childhood and for a few minutes they had fallen into an old, familiar rhythm, with Cloud playing stern and serious while setting Tifa up for jokes, many at his own expense. They got Barrett laughing so hard he had to wipe his eyes. 

As he had stumbled home from the bar, he realized that he felt lighter than he had in ages. That it felt good to belong somewhere again.

He was tired of feeling ashamed all time time. This had to stop. Cloud squared his shoulders, in case somehow Sephiroth could see him in this oppressive darkness. “You’re going to leave me alone from now on. This is done.” It wouldn’t be that simple, of course, but he needed to say it, to put it in motion. It felt important. 

Sephiroth was somehow behind him again — how was he moving so silently? — and grasped Cloud’s hips, pushing his groin against Cloud’s backside, letting him feel that he was already hard. “I love when you play hard to get,” he growled. 

Cloud wheeled around, shoved Sephiroth away, and stepped forward, aiming an uppercut at where he thought his midsection would be. He connected, and Sephiroth stumbled backwards. Cloud moved toward him again, kicking, determined to win this time. 

His foot whooshed through the air harmlessly, and he realized his mistake a moment too late. _Stupid_. Sephiroth has been using this trick since he got here; he should’ve anticipated it. He started to spin to kick behind him just as Sephiroth swept his legs out from under him, shoving him toward the floor. He landed with a hard _thud_. 

Cloud was prone on the floor, and Sephiroth’s weight settled on his legs, pinning him. Cloud bucked, trying to unseat him, but knew it was useless. He was no good at wrestling. He’d have to bide his time, wait for an opening. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his fight-or-flight response. He let himself be pressed into the floor. 

Sephiroth sighed dramatically. “You make it all too easy, my sweet Cloud. But then, we both know why you don’t put up _too_ much of a fight.” He leaned forward, yanking Cloud’s head back by the hair so he could growl in his ear. “I do _love_ when you see things my way.” He ran his nose down his jawline and then froze. His fingers tightened in Cloud’s hair. _He knows,_ thought Cloud. Aerith’s scent still clung to his face, since he’d fallen into bed without washing up.

Cloud used the distraction to buck his hips, partially unseating Sephiroth and succeeding in knocking him off balance. He scrambled to get his knees under him, and tried to yank his head free, but Sephiroth merely put a knee in the middle of his back and pushed his neck down. 

“Now, now, if you keep on like this I’ll start to think it’s personal. Do you want me to find someone else tonight? Aerith? Or Tifa, perhaps? Who’s your new special friend?”

Cloud stiffened, and his heart started thumping. He tried, and failed, to keep his voice casual. “Didn’t think you were into girls.”

Sephiroth huffed a small laugh. “Well, any port in a storm. But you’re right, perhaps I should visit the round one who’s always smiling. Walt? Wrench?” He shrugged. “His name’s not important, I suppose.”

Defeat settled in Cloud’s gut. There wasn’t anyone he could offer up in exchange. Even though a weak, selfish part of his brain screamed at him to let Wedge take the abuse, he knew he could never do it, that it was his own problem. He couldn’t stop this until he could beat Sephiroth. Today wasn’t his day. He wasn’t good enough yet. He forced his body limp. This wasn’t even real. It didn’t matter. 

Sephiroth patted his head. “There’s my good boy.” He shifted his weight off of Cloud and slipped a finger under his waistband, pulling at it. “Off.” Cloud undressed mechanically, listening as Sephiroth dealt with his own buckles and zippers. He dropped to his hands and knees without being asked. Sephiroth chuckled. “Eager, are we? Didn’t your new friend satisfy you?”

Cloud was only eager to get it over with. He didn’t respond; interacting with Sephiroth at this point could only make things worse. He knew what to expect now. At least on these nights, Sephiroth didn’t try to make him like it. The pain was overwhelming, but easy to understand. Simple. Anxiety had a chokehold on him now. He could feel adrenaline coursing through his body as the need to flee consumed him. Cloud lowered himself to his forearms so he could use his hands to pull at his hair a bit. The sensation distracted him, helped to calm him. 

Sephiroth spread his cheeks and spit on him, covering the whole area with saliva. Cloud was used to this humiliation. Even somewhat welcomed it; dry was much worse. Sometimes he pretended to like Sephiroth’s tongue there, when it seemed like things were going a certain way. 

He was pretty sure they both knew he hated it, and Sephiroth just liked to make him perform. 

Sephiroth straightened, lined himself up with Cloud’s entrance, and started to push forward, slowly but steadily. Cloud tried to relax, tried not to resist against the sharp, piercing pain. It was just pain. It was just a body. It was just a dream. He could feel hot tears welling in his eyes, and let them drop down. The room was dark, anyway. 

He let his mind wander, to go to that far away place and leave his body behind. He was still aware of Sephiroth panting behind him, using his body, but it seemed like it was happening to someone else. Cloud became a ghost sometimes, leaving behind his corpse. It was just a body, it wasn’t really _him_. It didn’t matter. 

While Sephiroth grew, and grew, Cloud shrank, and shrank, until he became nothing.


	6. Chapter 6

When Cloud woke, he ached all over, and his pillow was damp and salt-stained. He rolled over and sat up, his head thumping with a mild hangover. He could feel Sephiroth clinging to his skin. 

Sephiroth never left a mess, but he checked anyway. Part of him wished there was something tangible that told him that it was real. Did he want it to be real? 

Well, he didn’t want to be _crazy_. He wanted an explanation. He just didn’t know how to get one. 

He slid out of bed, and stripped the sheets. He’d take them to Marle for cleaning first thing. He peeled off his sweat-damp clothes and tossed them in the same pile. He stepped into the shower, and scrubbed his body under the scalding spray, wishing he could crack open his head and scrub Sephiroth from his mind, too. He stayed in the shower until the water turned cold. 

He toweled off roughly, making sure to dry every inch of himself. He pulled on his clothes, then his armor. He knew it didn’t matter, that none of this worked to exorcise Sephiroth, but he couldn’t seem to stop. There was something about the routine that was comforting. It kept him from trying to think, which was nearly impossible and at times physically painful. He remade his bed with his spare sheets, corners tightened with a precision borne of years of bunk inspections. He swept his floor, banishing every speck of dust he could find. 

He still felt as though he was watching himself from a distance. He floated more than walked to Marle’s, dropping off his laundry and passing her some gil. Her face was so kind. She teased him about his laundry, said she’d never met a man who changed his sheets so often. She was making an expression he couldn’t parse. Had she asked him something? She seemed to be waiting for a response to something. He’d forgotten to listen to what she was saying. 

“I’m headed to Aerith’s,” he said, feeling this was probably a suitable response to almost anything. Marle smiled, and waved as he walked away. He thought maybe her eyes were following him. 

He appeared at Aerith’s door, unsure how he’d gotten there. Aerith answered the door, smiling brightly at him. He pulled the muscles of his face in what he hoped was a smile. She cocked her head at him, eyebrows furrowed, and beckoned him inside. 

“Another nightmare?” she asked. He shrugged. Was that what they were? Or were they visits? Or delusions? Maybe he was losing it. Maybe there was something wrong with him. Maybe Sephiroth had planted some kind of tech in his brain. Maybe it was magic. Maybe...

“Do you want to tell me about it?” She was looking at him, serious but less pitying than he would have feared. Aerith was so strong. Why was he so weak? Did she realize? Was she ashamed of him?

“Cloud?”

He’d forgotten to answer. He tightened the muscles in his neck, moved his head from side to side. _No_. He could barely form words, never mind come up with a way to describe what happened between him and Sephiroth. He felt trapped, like all of Midgar was infected with Sephiroth. What he needed right now, more than anything, was an escape. He searched her face, found her eyes. He focused on moving his tongue and lips, speaking with effort. “Can you show me the Promised Land again?” 

She nodded, and took his hands in hers. Cloud felt magical energy fill the room, dizzying him with its power. He closed his eyes, and felt the room disappear. He waited a long moment before opening his eyes, cataloging what he could sense without looking. The air was warm, and smelled fresh, floral. There was a gentle breeze. He could hear birds chirping, and the gentle swaying of branches. He shifted his weight, feeling the spongy earth beneath his feet. 

When he opened his eyes, they were in the shade of two oak trees whose canopies had grown together. Strung between them, somewhat impossibly, was a soft bunch of fabric that Cloud thought was called a hammock. 

“Have you ever been in one?” Aerith was studying his face, not seeming to care that much about her glamour. Cloud shook his head again, and she pulled him by the hand over to it. “You first.” 

He took off his weapons and armor, looking at the hammock uncertainly. It didn’t seem steady. He’d heard that people fell out of them a lot. He thought of his battered body, and thought perhaps he’d had his fill of humiliation for the day. He shook his head, hesitating. 

“It’s easy,” Aerith assured him. She spread the fabric, making a mostly-flat surface. “Sit here, to start.” Cloud turned, settling his weight into it slowly, gingerly. He held his breath, but instead of crashing to the ground, his feet floated off the ground, and he was swinging a bit, cradled in the slippery fabric. He fell back against the cloth behind him, surprised. 

Aerith nodded in satisfaction, as though he’d passed some sort of test. “Now put your feet in and stretch out. You want to lay slightly diagonal to the center, it makes more room.” He did this, and was shocked at how comfortable it was. The hammock hugged his body slightly, and the way it distributed his weight was amazingly supportive. Aerith pushed against his side, causing him to rock slightly, then sat on the grass with her back against the oak, closing her eyes and turning her face upward.

Cloud settled back, and looked up at the sky. The old oak’s branches seemed to stretch on forever, creating a wide, shady canopy. Dappled light peeked through the leaves, and a gentle breeze made them dance around. Behind the leaves, he could see blue sky and the lazy movement of clouds. He breathed deeply, comforted by the gentle swaying of the hammock and the mesmerizing, comforting quiet of the trees overhead. He wondered how deep the roots would run on a tree like this, if it actually existed. He wondered if the roots from the two trees had grown together. 

Maybe he and Sephiroth were like the trees, merged in some unseen but permanent way. He’d thought he could escape him by escaping his life as a SOLDIER, but it hadn’t taken Sephiroth long to find him and ensnare him again. Or maybe the merger was just in Cloud’s mind, and he was the one who couldn’t leave Sephiroth. 

He wished he could simply excise Sephiroth from his life and his mind. He needed to be free of him. This couldn’t go on. He couldn’t go on like this. He couldn’t make a life here with the constant threat of Sephiroth looming over him. He couldn’t live with the constant pain and, worse, humiliation, even if it was all in his head. He couldn’t keep living it, or reliving it. 

Slowly, Cloud returned to his body. He was no longer tense, or numb. He felt wrung out, but present. His sore muscles would heal. Would his mind? 

Aerith’s head appeared above him. “Ready for some company?” 

Cloud scooted over, shifting some of the slippery fabric to make room for her. “You’re sure it’ll hold us?” Aerith just gave him an amused smiled. _Right. Stupid question._ It was easy to forget that it was all magical. 

Aerith settled in beside him and rolled on her side, settling her head on his shoulder and resting her arm across his chest. She was relaxed, tracing shapes on his chest with her fingertips. They were both quiet. He liked this about Aerith, that she could share silence with him without it feeling tense. He rubbed his thumb up and down her arm, dropped kisses on her head. Her warm weight next to him made him feel a little stronger, like maybe he could figure things out.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: suicidal ideation

They laid there a long time. Aerith hummed quietly at times, and dozed slightly at one point. Cloud laid very still and thought about his situation. His mind was going around and around in circles, but kept coming back to one place: he wanted to die. He couldn’t continue like this. 

Maybe on the next Avalanche mission he would find some task that was essential for the mission but couldn’t be walked away from. Aerith would be sad, but she was strong. She’d never have to know what a coward he was. She could be free of him. 

He felt strangely at peace with it. Barrett was impatient to continue fighting Shinra, so he wouldn’t have to wait long. He couldn’t stand the thought of Sephiroth touching him even one more time, but at least he knew it would come to an end. Maybe he could try making the first move, take control. Sephiroth would like seeing him humiliate himself like that. He’d never touched Sephiroth without being threatened or controlled or overpowered. He could just ... give in. Only a few times, until he could escape forever. 

Aerith stirred beside him, and guilt dripped through him. None of this was fair to her. She opened her eyes, and yawned, laughing a bit at the end as she arched her body in a big stretch. 

Cloud kissed her nose. “Good rest?”

She lifted her face up to him,and he tipped his head to kiss her softly. Would he miss this when he was dead? Would he know he was dead? He hoped not. He hoped he couldn’t feel anything anymore. 

Still, no reason not to enjoy the beautiful woman in his arms, and this beautiful place she had created for him. People saw her slight frame and thought she was weak. They didn’t know the power of her will, or her magic. He’d had no idea it was possible to even conjure a whole world that looked and felt and even smelled so real. 

Cloud froze as his brain made a nearly audible _click_. 

Aerith pulled away from his mouth, which had gone still. “What is it?” 

Cloud looked in her eyes. “How are you doing this?” 

Aerith smirked. “The kissing? Come back, I’ll show you the ropes.” 

Cloud shook his head, too distracted for flirtation. “This place. How are you making me see it?” 

She sat back, looking perplexed. “Mako. How else would I do it?” 

Cloud’s heart ticked up. “Are you here, or are you projecting an illusion?”

She tilted her head. “I’m here. You and I are exactly as we really are. The rest is psychic magic. We’re really on my bed right now.”

“ _Could_ you project us into the same illusion if we weren’t physically together, and make it feel this real?”

She furrowed her brow, considering this. “With the right materia, I think I could, but probably only with you or my mom. I’d need a pretty strong psychic connection to start. Maybe I could project with Hojo — I’ve brought him into an illusion before, in an experiment — but it probably couldn’t be this detailed.” 

Cloud whistled. “No wonder Shinra is so interested in you. Imagine that power in the wrong hands.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Like Sephiroth’s? That’s what you’re wondering, if that’s possible.”

He tried to keep the hungry edge from his voice. “Is it?”

She shrugged. “He’s skilled with mako energy, and Shinra is always developing new materia. They might’ve even used some of the research from my experiment with Hojo to create something designed for projecting glamours. Or from when he made us ...” She trailed off. Cloud nodded his understanding. “I’ve never known anyone else who could do it besides my mom who died.” Cloud held her gaze, and she nodded. “It’s possible. Did he ever connect with you psychically while you were a SOLDIER?”

Static shrieked in Cloud’s head, and he tried to fight through it, to see what was hidden. He pressed his lips together, trying to fight his to stay awake through the zaps of electricity that were shocking his brain. His vision faded. 

When he became aware again, he was clutching his head, and Aerith was trying to sit up in the hammock, wiping sweat from his brow and talking in low tones. 

He took a few deep breaths. Aerith closed her eyes, and he felt healing energy wash over him. It didn’t banish the headache but it helped. He nodded a thank you, then shook his head to clear it. “I definitely remember him paralyzing me magically once.”

Aerith frowned. “That doesn’t have to be psychic, though. Binding materia could be modified for that.” She looked thoughtful. “Not many people have a natural aptitude for psychic magic. Maybe it’s only Ancients. But Hojo was very interested in my psychic abilities, as you can imagine. I kept them as hidden as I could, cause like you said, imagine them in the wrong hands. It would be helpful to know what materia they have.” 

“Chadley might be able to check into it for us.” 

Aerith nodded. “That’s a good idea. In the meantime, I can shield you at night. That _should_ protect you. He won’t be suspicious of you missing a night’s sleep.” 

Thinking of Chadley gave Cloud another idea, but he hesitated a moment before saying it. “If I assessed you, Chadley could probably develop psychic materia to use against Sephiroth.”

Aerith eyed him warily. “But then there would be psychic materia. If we could get it, why couldn’t Shinra?” 

Cloud cocked his head to the side. “Aren’t we agreeing that they probably already have it?” Aerith gave him a flat look, and Cloud put up his hands. “I know. You’re right. That’s way too dangerous. We’ll find another way.” 

They laid in silence, both deep in thought. Aerith’s shoulders sank suddenly, and she looked up at Cloud, her face serious. “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault that he’s hurting you.” Her eyes started to well up, and her voice broke. “I never should have used my abilities in front of them.”

Cloud pulled her close, kissing her hair before shaking his head. “No, it’s not your fault. First of all, I’m pretty sure when Sephiroth first started ... all this, there was nothing magical about it. I can remember —“

He tried not to picture it, but his mind screeched anyway, as the picture popped into his mind, unbidden. Cloud squinted his eyes, fought it off. 

“I was 15 or 16 the first time. And anyway, Tifa and Barrett would be dead if you hadn’t brought us here the first time. I was too panicked, with the lab and people watching ... I ... I had to do that before, I remember, Sephiroth was punishing me, and —“

He snapped his mouth shut. He was talking too much. Rambling. He wasn’t a rambler. Aerith’s eyes were still swimming with tears, and she squeezed his arm. He forced himself to look in her eyes. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine, I’ve never been able to stop it.” 

She furrowed her eyebrows. “You were just a kid, Cloud. And he’s _Sephiroth_. How could you have stopped him?”

He looked down, not meeting her eyes. He didn’t want to talk about this, how he had been so eager to please that he’d gone along with things he didn’t understand until it was too late to stop them, and how he hadn’t wanted to disappoint him, and how desperate he had been to keep his hero’s attention, and how being Sephiroth’s favorite cadet had given him a certain cache and so many advantages in SOLDIER. 

Aerith dipped her head, making him meet her eyes, and waited for an answer to her question. He shrugged. “It’s complicated. Besides, I’m not exactly a kid now.” 

Aerith dipped one eyebrow, making a skeptical face. “Riiiight ... and now he stacks the deck in his favor, right? Because he knows you could stop him otherwise.” Cloud say in stunned silence. Aerith sighed in exasperation. “Why do you think he comes to you in your sleep? It’s when you’re the most vulnerable, and he can manipulate the setting to suit him.”

Cloud gaped at Aerith, thinking of how often he was missing a sense entirely — unable to see, or hear, or move. “I ... you’re right. It’s never a fair fight.” He was stunned. He shook his head. “It never occurred to me.”

Aerith gave him a tight smile. “We’ll force him out into the open, to face us in the physical world. And then...” Her eyes darkened, rage flashed in her eyes. 

Cloud nodded. “Then he’ll pay. We’ll end this.”


End file.
